but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
