I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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