piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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