Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
