she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
