Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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