I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
