Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
