uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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