so explain again why im purple
no
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
