How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
