covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
