I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
