she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Ladies don't puke and tell
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
