This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
