Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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