Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
