i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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