She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
