Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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