Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
