This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
