i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she peed on how many people?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
