is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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