sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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