phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
