I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
