What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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