I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Terrible idea I love it
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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