ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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