Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Actions speak louder than pants.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
