spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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