Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Do vagina's smell?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
