There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
