I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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