I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize