Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
