if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
