There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
