i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
