i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
