im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
