What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
