i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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