im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
