the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
