ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
