hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
