I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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