I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
