I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
