Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Boobs are out for the taking
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
