Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We need a shit load of segways right now
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
