Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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