420 ftw
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
