Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
