i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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