it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
