Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You can't just leave with hair like that
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
