apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
