I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
