This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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