Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
