I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
