Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
