he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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