Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
the liver wants what the liver wants
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
