The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
